Despite being one of the best selling manufacturers in the UK Vauxhall has never really provided any truly memorable adverts.Vauxhall: Annoying, not good.
Undoubtedly there’s been a couple of flashes in the pan but they’ve operated around being annoying and memorable as opposed to just being good.SPOILER: Get used to seeing the word annoying. Our constant use of the word is not the results of an inhibited vocabulary, no, it is symbolic of the repetitive and incessant nature of Vauxhall’s serials that seem unending.Vauxhall tends to operate with series of adverts, which is annoying when they’re crap.We had three adverts with the uncomfortable Northeners in their MPVs.There was a series of C’MON adverts for the Corsa that weren’t actually that bad until you do an article like this and have to watch all of them at once.Then there’s the inability of Vauxhall to move too far from the seating arrangements and configurations possible in the Zafira and Meriva- we get it and daddy is not cool.It is practical but it’s not entertaining, so stop putting it on TV.C’MON Corsa series1) Follow that CarThis was the first in the C’MON puppet series that caused a bit of a storm when it was first aired (they actually sell the puppets at Clinton’s apparently).It did raise some questions that remain as unanswered as the meaning of life, but will have a go at answering them.What’s it all about? That one’s easy we think: the desirability of the Corsa that is good enough to make anyone-especially puppets- drop what they’re doing to follow it across town, urging their friends to join in with the “C’MON!" rallying cry.The puppets? A gimmick.The catchphrase? We think this works in two ways.First you have the rallying cry for all puppets to come on and join in the chase.Second and more obvious is the advertisers dream: create a well-liked and popular catchphrase.Think of what Ave’ it did for John Smiths and what Green Army did for Norwich Union.* did have an interesting theory about the suggestive nature of the phrase that worked in the same way –but in no way as good – as the Fast Show’s “Suit you, sir", emphasised by Sean Paul’s soundtrack. We have decided to dismiss that theory despite the writhing first scene; Vauxhall wouldn’t do that. The ChaseThe second instalment from the puppets works in the same way.One gets his Corsa robbed by an attractive lady (actual lady, not lady puppet) and along with the rest of the puppet clan (who share a bed) sets out in pursuit.Again it works along the line of you wouldn’t want to lose your Corsa and would do everything to retrieve it.*We are aware that’s suggestive theory is supported in this advert especially with the group bed scene and especially the towel-drop ending and the wide-eyed stare of the lady, but we’re convinced Vauxhall wouldn’t do that. Flex-Fix bike rackOk, Vauxhall has actually done it.The puppets were being perverts all along.The deviant puppet driver notices a woman struggling to scale a hill on her bike so stops and offers her a lift, before re-positioning his rear-view mirror to focus on her breasts. you thought the Puppets were annoying, which they were, then you’ll more than likely have despised the protagonists of the Meriva/Zafira is aware that a lot of people love the Zafira/Meriva series. Sorry, we don’t.1) Little DadsThe theory behind the adverts is pretty simple and obvious: Peter Kay went down well so surely kids who sound like Peter Kay and act like grown-ups will work well?In theory maybe, in reality it’s actually a bit disturbing.The two discuss the advantages of owning a Zafira or Meriva and is the first instance of Vauxhalls one-dimensional marketing policy: other than making practical family cars, they don’t offer much else if its adverts are anything to go by. End of the RoadThis is the second in the old-children series with the next door neighbours travelling (presumably to Blackpool) for their summer holiday in the Zafira and Meriva.Again they take on the persona of middle-aged men discussing the ‘kids’ needing the toilet en route before settling down to a drink (presumably a pint of mild) and an afternoon ‘kip’ in the sun. New neighbourNew Zafira, new neighbour, still creepy.A new neighbour moves in on Benjamin Button street and guess what, he’s got two ‘kids’ and a Zafira.The new neighbour proceeds to show the ‘man-kids’ ( recently learned that their names are George and Harry) around his Zafira showing-off the mod-cons and optional extras within the model including its multiple seat configurations. – Adjust to youThis advert isn’t necessarily bad but it does highlight the problems with Vauxhall’s adverts.Once again the British manufacturer plugs the only thing you’d think a Vauxhall was capable of providing its buyers: space.This advert shows a series of circumstances where it would be nice if you could move seats and walls, closer or further apart depending on your mood- like you can in a Meriva (and lots of other MPVs).Move on Vauxhall, you’re better than that.Corsa – Hide and seekThis is one of the better Corsa adverts, and shock-horror it has nothing to do with flexible seating arrangements.Vauxhall does well by combining the Corsa supermini, ideally suited to city driving, with an urban game of hide and seek.There’s nothing symbolic going on in this advert it’s just a fun advert with a lot of amusing hiding’s particular favourite is the Corsa sneakily edging through the supermarket. lifetime warrantyDidn’t know Bill Nighy worked for Vauxhall?Neither did we.This is another fairly uninspired Vauxhall advert that shows the development of the manufacturer and a number of its products but once again manages to pick out the bloody Meriva seating.Nighy utters the words “good ideas" and what image is shown next?Well, it’s the Meriva and its folding seats.What else.Compare this to Honda’s Impossible Dream advert (which essentially represents the same thing) and you can see how far behind Vauxhall is in the advertising stakes.Not that it seems to be affecting sales in the UK, so they shouldn’t worry too much.